I'M OUTTA HERE

Been awhile...Feeling like shit about the music business. Probably a mistake to have dedicated so much of my life to it. I think it's time to move on and get out while I can. I don't want to be stuck spending my days trying to practice for some shitty background gig. I don't want to be giving lessons out of desperation that has come because of my choice to hang on to a silly pipe dream and have no other way of earning some dough. NO MAN! I need to clean up my act. I need to earn a living and squeeze in some enjoyment time. The piano has brought me down.

I'm sick of playing my music louder and louder. I won't give in to the bullshit that loud music is the only thing people respond to anymore, even though I witness it constantly and have no choice due to the nature of the gigs that I get.

I'll search for another creative outlet. Unfortunately I have to or else live a mental death...A zombie, if you will. An automaton that consumes and produces waste until death. 

I see a light. I can feel it. I see myself being able to do nothing and be OK with it. I feel liberated from the shackles of creativity. I can enjoy the moment. I can feel alive. Perhaps I was misguided in my youth into thinking that art had the ability to make life more enjoyable and communicate great ideas. Maybe on the appreciating end, but not on the creating side. Nope. It's just a burnt out useless waste of huge amounts of energy that is enough to drive anyone to an early grave. There is no middle ground. You either make it; And by make it I mean get into a position to get your work out there and continue doing that work without distraction. Or you're a nobody. Everyone going around self-promoting and hanging on the the idea that they will be able to reach a larger audience and bring their work up to the professional level is fooling themselves.

Don't bother trying to discuss this with the average person, for he only sees bits of work that you managed to get out and not the anguished sweat that has controlled your existence over the years. The frustration, anger, sadness and rage. The labor intensity of it all. THE WORK THE WORK THE WORK!

Any music projects I do from this moment on will be solely for my own enjoyment because I do know how to play and I'm not about to throw that away. Self produced albums? No more. Waste of money. Get me some alcohol! Get me some drugs! Fuck this bullshit existence I say. Let's have fun.

I've been down this road before, but now it is time to for me to wake up. I'm outta here. (At least for awhile)