NYC JAZZ VENUE SYNDROME

Unless I'm missing something here the New York City Jazz venue scene is disintegrating, and largely by its own doing. Hmm, articulating this will be challenging as I don't want to give the wrong impression. If any of you out there have ever made a phone call or done the dreaded "drop off" of your latest album to any of these places then you know I'm not insane when I say that the vibe is so unbelievably terrible that you begin to ask yourself "Why the fuck would I put myself through this?" The treatment of musicians by these venue bookers and managers is that of a huge ego trip. While I realize there are too many musicians in NYC, I still feel that these clubs or individuals that represent the clubs often go too far. The level of rudeness by the 20 year old bitch at the front or on the phone is only a symbol of our bullshit, superficial and youth obsessed culture. 

We are immediately spoken down too and treated as if they are doing us the favor; As if the musician is not an important part of the equation. Musicians are to blame as well. With all the schools churning out "Jazz musicians" with large egos and big mouths you have hordes of 20 year olds that will play anything, anywhere without any regard to keeping a standard. Everyone is so fucking desperate for a gig. This is also the reason jazz gigs still pay pretty much the same as the 1960s. Unfortunately, if you don't have that kind of ego and pontification skill level you will most likely be left out in the cold. Talent or creativity plays no part in this scene. Instead we end up with institutionalized, homogenized brunch jazz that you can hear at Blue Water Grill.

There isn't much truth either. No one has the balls to really just tell you that since you are a nobody it will be difficult to get you in. No one listens to your record. How could they? If I had a pile of 300 or so CDs it would be difficult to listen to all of that, right? However, if I was music venue I would have to figure out how to listen because it is the music, after all, that I need to find.

In the venues' defense I will say the rents in this town are so fucking high that the clubs are also desperate to fill seats. That makes sense, but still even when squeezing in some new or emerging talent I see pretty much the same old roster. The clubs have become stale and basically feel dead inside. Perhaps our unregulated capitalist culture has no room for this kind of antiquated music listening space. Each of the major New York venues has something to offer; Jazz Standard, Blue Note, Village Vanguard, Jazz Gallery, Iridium, Smalls, Smoke & Dizzy's (Am I missing any?), but I don't know what kind of profits they are making. I remember overhearing Loraine at the Vanguard one time saying she more often just breaks even.

I'm fine with the fact that they need to run a business and I wouldn't bring any money in, but it's the way I'm spoken to that gets under my skin. The way a 20 year old (who knows nothing about music or life) speaks to me. The frustration level and anger that builds inside me reaches violent levels. The way the person doing the booking hides or blatantly lies to your face.

Perhaps the NYC Jazz Venue scene should rethink it's approach and treatment of the struggling musician. Maybe it's already too late considering just how bland the scene has gotten. It is a complicated issue that no one talks about because of fear of being black listed or hope of getting a gig there.

Whatever happens, at least I tried...

SELL THE STEINWAY?

Indeed, I've arrived at a devastatingly difficult crossroads in my life when I should have thoughts like these. The truth is I cannot seem to justify the cost of owning and maintaining my piano anymore. The monthly payments. The chunk of change missing and added to the debt. No, I'm tumbling further into mental collapse and this great instrument sitting in my living room is a constant reminder of what a fool I have been. It has become painful just to look at.

I no longer see myself as a professional musician since I do not play/perform and am, for the most part, unable to get the music out beyond a few hundred people (many of whom know me personally). My records are huge wastes of money, time, and ridiculously hard work. What's worse is that there are others involved in that hard work as well. This isn't to say that the work itself has no value (i feel they are decent & solid works), rather it doesn't have enough to justify my existence as a "professional" musician. All of those involved in the creation of these albums have done the work with the utmost integrity and to the high standard that I believe in (or used to believe in). This includes not only the great musicians in the band(s), but also the photography, artwork, design, recording, etc...

As I sit here and do my taxes it is frightening what the ratio is of the amount of money spent trying to further my "career" to the total amount earned. It's completely absurd. Looking back at nearly a solid decade of this has me searching for a way out and unloading the piano is a possibility. 

This is nothing new to me; I've had instruments in the past and been forced to sell for financial or other reasons, but none as great as this one. This piano was the first "real" instrument I've owned since dedicating my life to music (which I am slowly un-dedicating). I'm proud of what I have achieved, but it is no match to the sadness I'm experiencing when I look at that piano.

It isn't the ultimate piano by any means, but it is still a nice instrument. The goal would've been to trade up eventually, but if there is no professional work related to it then that is another unjustified goal and expense.

Everything in life is pointless except for the meaning we bring to it ourselves and if that very meaning is no longer enjoyable then the meaning becomes meaningless. As I descend further into this mild madness of sort I find myself having horrible thoughts with extremely violent outbursts that are often frightening. For now they are only thoughts and the drink helps to temper that shit from time to time.

Sell the Steinway? I don't know yet. If I do, it will be a closing of what will probably be the most creative and important chapter in my entire life...