PUSH ON THROUGH

I vaguely remember a saying that has something to do with pushing through to the other side, whatever the other side might be. It isn't something that I'm entirely familiar with and now I am knee deep in a seemingly unending pit of shit. For a brief moment I thought I had a goal to look forward to and work towards. Now I am seeing black again. BLACK BLACK BLACK BLACK BLACK every-fucking-where. Sometimes I want to reach inside my skull and squash some brain matter between my fingers. Maybe that can help with the fucking anguish. Oozing bits of bloody neurotic tissue or maybe one great big smash and it's all over.

It's quite amazing how easily one's personal life can fall apart. Things that seemed strong or solid just fade or snap like a piece of mother fucking balsa wood. Then you look back with that horrible evaluative eye and feel a sense of total worthlessness. Was every god damn decision a mistake? Was I so poorly raised that I have been unable to function confidently our society for my entire life?

Played a decent gig this past friday with trio and company and got good and fucking wasted. That is the only way to be anymore.

Things are looking up...no wait, totally not! Looking down I'd say in this grand cycle of utter ludicrous life. There was song, poetry, art as gifts from the universe to humanity and vice versa. That was a glorious time mentally for this individual as it seemed that there was promise of something...anything. Now there is only lies...