LIVE AT DOMAINE

Played at Domaine Wine Bar in L.I.C. Queens (my hood) last night with Chico on drums and old friend Geoff Gersh on guitars and effects. Was fucking awesome and gonna have him put some tracks down on the Domaine album that Chico and I are doing.

PLAYIN'

Played the Edible Queens Magazine Winter Warm Up with Adrob & Chico. Was a chill gig, but I had a bad cold. It was at the L-Haus in L.I.C. NY and it brought together some interesting food folks from many shops and restaurants in the area.

SEARCHING FOR THE WORK

But the work can't be found! That's what my brain keeps saying to me. I'm supposed to be working on a creative project instead of fucking around, working jobs and eating. That's not how I operate. I used to work around the clock on creative things. Now it seems like I'm a vegetable or automaton, if you will. Maybe I'm a fucking ZOMBIE! In fact, I think I've become a zombie. Like those mindless masses of pulpy flesh-eating fantoms in that fantastically famous film by George Romero.

We'll see how tomorrow goes. This internet is radiating through my skull and creating a gelatinous mess out of what's left of my mind...

Good night.

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE

Some recent conversations I've had about music have got me a bit frustrated and I'd like to clear up my opinion and where I stand on the subject of music in the 21st century.

Now I am a musician. I have been a Rock, Metal, Punk, Hardcore, Hip Hop, and Pop musician or what I prefer to put into the POPULAR category, because really there's no argument that all of that music is infinitely more popular than the rest I've been a part of. What is underground in those communities is like a stadium show for the rest. I love much of that music, although Metal has a special place in my heart for some reason.

So here's the thing:

I meet many musicians and when the subject of Jazz comes up I hear all kinds of remarks immediately...Snickering and disses and such. It's pretentious or egotistical and shit like that. This could not be further from the truth! In fact, I find it to be the exact opposite. While many musicians are good at what they do, I have been on both sides and have to say that unless you have gone through the ride to play Jazz, unless you've made the sacrifices, endured the mental and physical challenges, reached for that place in your brain where you hear something but can't articulate it and strive to do so in order to better communicate a larger feeling, in order to challenge the ear and mind of those you wish to communicate with, played all the nastiest, filthiest gigs for the most mundane and mediocre simpletons, destroyed your personal life, health and lifestyle just so you can play this great music, endured the popular Jazz community who blacklists you, rejects you, and tells the media and population what is Jazz, have to listen to countless mediocre conversations about music that has nothing to do with what you do just because people know you are a musician, tell me to listen to all those albums I've already listened to a thousand times, I've listened to all of that plus so much more that those same people telling me what to listen to will NEVER listen to. played thousands of gigs in every conceivable setting of almost every kind of style of music, studied the history of the whole of music - the great spiritual music that comes from all the cultures around the world and not some rip off with a beat thrown into it...i mean some deep shit here...music that is life, that is connection, that is spiritual in its own way, the metaphysical way but not the religious way...something that rises out of the ashes and lifts up mankind...something beautiful...something lost and swallowed up by the barbaric forces of evil human universal law...

WELL THEN DON'T TELL ME WHAT IS JAZZ OR WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A JAZZ MUSICIAN....


I don't go around telling you what you do...

Peace,
-Steve

AHH YES

Anything, anything would be better than this agony of mind, this creeping pain that gnaws and fumbles and caresses one and never hurts quite enough...

Jean-Paul Sartre

2010

Feeling worse than ever. Not sure what is going on, but things seem to be closing in on me. It is the most awful dread in my soul and blackness is everywhere. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. My script is once again a big mess. Finances are total shit and my personal life is in shambles. Questions of who am I and what is going on. I'm at a loss.

I'm hoping to find solace in my script if only I can get over this scatterbrain idea drought. My imagination is all washed up.

That fucking music thing pops up from time to time. How could I have been so stupid? I still can't believe I dedicated my life to it.

2010 will be my 37th year and I still have nothing. While there are twenty year olds out there who think the fucking world of themselves and spewing the most disgusting happiness on all of the social networks...and getting much success. I will have to shoot myself before I can succumb to that simpleton dribble.

No, this man is on his way down. The nervous system will eventually fail without any dreams to live for. I'll be reduced to a lifeless mass of pulp because if the dreams dies so does the soul...