BACK FROM...

...A new weekly gig I started up on Wednesdays with good friend Adrob playin bass. Met some nice people over there. Classy neighborhood where people read the New Yorker and such. The owner and staff are so nice and I get treated way better than I deserve.

On another note, I have never been feeling worse. The blackness is worsening. I think I need to leave society. I cannot deal with it anymore. I have no more desire to socialize. My personal life is falling apart and I feel everything closing in around me. I have no desire to do anything. All those beautiful things I once longed to pursue mean nothing to me anymore. I am detached from friends, completely detached from what little family I have and get NO enjoyment from anything. I barely even enjoy getting wasted anymore. I used to have drive, strong will, and a genuine desire to accomplish honest things through some type of creative endeavor. None of it is exciting anymore. I've been beat down and I guess it may seem like a cop out to most, but the hell I'm in is something I don't wish upon anyone.

I don't know what to do but evil horrible thoughts prevail 24 hours a day and it is frightening. Anxiety is suffocating. Filthy black vile floats around in my brain. Pounding thunderous evil demons possess me. I don't remember who the fuck I am anymore...